Overall Reflection on MONSTERS WITHIN ME THAT THEY CAN'T SEE

overall reflection MONSTERS INSIDE ME THAT THEY CAN'T SEE.

My thoughts on it:

The Project means the heart and soul to me, but it was a shame that I had to conclude it after 3 pieces and a rejected one. It was meant to be four full pieces, the only thing I wish I could have is more time to complete it.

Although I was given an extension, my capability was 3 pieces, which was not that satisfying to me, I had so much more to convey and many more messages to deliver in MONSTERS WITHIN ME. However, each piece takes me approximately 3 days to complete, along with the rejected piece, I feel like I shouldn't have invested in it too much to the point where it felt regrettable to tap out, but I saw no point in carrying on any further.

The first struggle I had was with the concepts, I had great concepts but they all went down the drain at the end of the day as I could not come to how to put it in a painting, which made me have to come up with several dozens of concepts and compositions which to be frankly, took the most time out of all.

The painting process was very much a pain, had to create many many layers in order to keep the painting in order, however I ended up messing them up anyways, I might need to remind myself next time. From the painting process of the human body and background and the monsters, they all took me tremendous amount of time as I wanted everything to look as smooth as possible, so it was quiet a lot of blending.

I can stress how unsatisfied I am with myself, however, this series of paintings is what I really put my heart into, and although not enough, it concluded with stunning results that went far more than what I expected would be, if only I had more time as I want to have a series of five paintings instead of three.

 

Final Piece 4: The Kamikaze Coffin

THE CONCEPT
I wanted to tell a story about this boy with depression, who was rejected by people, who was being bullied, and who had a tough time with life. He had major depressive disorder, because everything failed on him.
He had doubts about himself, he had problems about his sexuality, and he chose to keep all of that in, not telling anyone, by that, he only fueled his sadness and depression, making it grow bigger and bigger everyday, burrying him in its massive size.
I also want the monster to be portrayed as a coffin, that he locked himself in and let it devour him slowly until he dies, slowly, without anyone noticing.

The word 'kamikaze' is also known as the Suicide Bomber in japanese, they're known for being brave by sacrificing for other's good. It's called the kamikaze coffin as he thought that by slowly. voluntarily killing himself, people would be happy as no one liked him and they only wanted him to disappear.

COLOUR SCHEME
For this one, I wanted to make it seemed like it was nothing, it was happy and all, because he hid his troubles, so they everything would seem fine to outsiders, while he was suffocating all on his own, so I used really cheerful colours, in hopes of making the painting happier and lighter rather than dull and confusing like the other two pieces.

I came up with the outline of the coffin.

The whole sketch and lining process.

Filling in colours.

Finishing up without narrative.

Complete final piece with narrative.

#thoughts: I really liked this piece, in fact I liked it the most, it was carefully done, as well as carefuly thought out, and the contrast between the colour scheme and the message I wanted to deliver to me is beautiful, I wouldn't like THE KAMIKAZE COFFIN any other way.

Final Piece 3: The Bottoms-Upper

THE BOTTOMS-UPPER

The CONCEPT:

For my third final piece, I wanted to portray a victim of Alcohol Use Disorder. So I thought about the concept of this girls who relied and depended on alcohol, being trapped inside her own monster, which takes form as a bottle.

alcohol use disorder

Dependence upon alcohol or a specific substance (such as cocaine, nicotine, marijuana, etc.) is characterized by a maladaptive pattern of alcohol or substance use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress.

COLOUR

For the color scheme of this major piece, I want to portray that the victim is lost in her on world and hallucinations, so the colours would have to create confusion, I successfully accomplished that by using really bright colours, even neon bright yellow. 

I also made it very blue, as blue portrays sadness and sometimes, serenity, because the victim is dependent on alcohol, and it makes her feel at ease. 

Screenshots:

Pose sketches.

Sketching out the monster.

Clean outlines.

Adding colour and finishing up.

Final Piece 2: His Blue Moon/Rejected

For my second final piece, I wanted to illustrate depression.


The Concept
I want to tell a story about this sad man, being trapped and consumed by depression. The blue moon monster represents the the sadness, the depression that this guy has. What he fears, what he is afraid of, what makes him constantly sad. His fears of not being accepted, being loved and being considered a human being all form into this large monster that turns him into its slave, its toy and its source of life, it feeds on the person's sadness, and grow larger and larger in size. It then conquers and takes full control of him, it orders him to not tell its very existence.

Colours
For choice of colour, I'm using really subtle, pale colours. I'm not trying to create confusion with mixing a set of vibrant and pale colours like I did in Tentacles of Anxiety, I'm trying to create an atmosphere full of sadness, no anger, no confusion. 


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As I continued working on this second major piece, I felt like it wasn't right for my project, the aesthetics and the composition was not that great. I also could see that the anatomy was not right as well as the monster did not look as captivating as I would like it to be.

I stopped immediately after I realised that my work was not going well.

I would not say that this was a failure, it wasn't going well, but If I had more time, I think it could have been made into something greater.

Artist Research: Shawn Coss

SHAWN COSS

For this artist research, I looked at Shawn Coss, an artist that draws about mental disorders using really scary, twisted visuals.

I looked as him as I thought I could learn from his art style in order to make my work look better.
He uses very heavy shadows so that it creates a very creepy feel to his work, and the way he illustrates his art is also graphic and horrifying.

As a result I did a response to Shawn Coss, applying the technique and his visuals on a drawing of a victim of Alcohol/Substance Dependance Disorder. 

It works, but as I progressed and comtemplated, this style of work doesn't really fit me and my art style, and it definitely would not work for my major project.

However, I think it'd be better to record and post this artist research.

TENTACLES OF ANXIETY

TENTACLES OF ANXIETY

This post is to showcase my first final piece and the process of making it.
It started out as a concept, and a sketch of this girl, looking scared, being consumed slowly by her anxiety, which is the monster from the deep with millions of eyes staring at her.

I immediately got to work and started to paint her from my line art. 

I chose a really pale palette so that it brings a dull and mysterious atmosphere.

After finishing her face, I started on painting her body, I think I really need to step up my contouring game as it does not look as realistic as I wanted it to be.

 Line art for the foreground and background was made afterwards.

I then proceeded to colour the rest of the foreground and background, using a really dull and pale colour for the water, trying to make the contrasting tentacles pop out more.

I was working on my piece but then I realised that the hair looked out of place, and I wanted it to look more natural, I also wanted to change her face so that she would look more scared, which is what I was trying to go for from the beginning. So I made a few adjustments, for example her hair doesn't fit into the whole colour scheme, therefore I changed it so it would match the tentacles, to make the painting look like it was not seperated and all-over-the-place. Aside from the colour of her hair, I didn't really like the shape of it, it looked unnatural in that situation to me. 

After making a few tweaks, I found that the picture was more in-sync as a whole and I was pleased with it. 

After finishing the painting, I added the narrative and formed it into a part of the background. The narrative tells that she is being slowly consumed by what the people says and the negative thoughts that she has (the tentacles) until she was met with a terrible, pitiful death.

The whole process took me approximately 20 hours, and I work on it for 3 days.

This is the first piece of THE MONSTERS INSIDE ME THAT THEY CAN'T SEE

Tentacles of Anxiety

DISTORTION

DISTORTION vs INSECURITIES and MENTAL HEALTH

At the library, I also managed to play with the 'Distortion' feature on Photoshop. The reason that I think putting distortion into my work is relevant is because distortion can create confusion, personally, I think it also shows the true form of insecurities, it shows how we ourselves really see us, a bunch of twisted, deformed, ugly humans.

I went on a dug deeper on the theme of distortion, and I looked at Jenny Saville. Instead of squeezing flesh into glass, I used Photoshop's 'distortion' tool to create the same effect. With each type of distortion comes a different facial expression ranging from confused to scared.

There's this one pixelate filter that I really liked, when applied on a face, it looks like the girl wants to censor herself from the world as she is too afraid of what people say about her and she doesn't want to ever show up or to be seen so clearly by everyone. 

Jenny Saville, Closed Contact

THE DISTORTIONS

Spherize / Distortions

Twirl / Distortion

Zig Zag / Distortion

Wave / Distortion

Liquify 

Pixilate / Moisaic